I am sitting here awestruck.
I am a mother.
If you only knew how long I wanted this. If you only knew how all the odds were stacked against us. He is a miracle. A fighter. A conqueror. A Vincent. :)
When I was young, I would say that I was never going to have children simply because of the pain of childbirth. How childish. Then, I was in a relationship with a psycho lunatic and it just made me even surer that I never wanted to have children. Thank goodness I didn't back then! In 2001, when I met John, it all changed. I instantly, instinctively knew he was "The One". I knew he would be my husband and the father of my children.
And what a lucky woman am I. I can't even begin to form a string of words that will adequately convey how much I love him and what an outstanding example of a MAN he is. I know I'm not always an easy woman to be with but you'd never know it. In over 10 years, he's never said a bad word about or to me. Never lost his temper. He's always been so supportive, even on my craziest days. He's been the only one who could calm my racing mind, my stampeding heart and all my fears. And now, to see him as a father is wonderful. Love you, Sweetie. <3
You think it's going to be easy. You think you'll be just like everyone else. You think you'll just get married, wait a while and have kids whenever you're ready. It'll just happen right? Not always.
The journey to this beautiful boy brought me from hope to the absolute depths of despair to pure, light, sunshiny joy!
Hope.
Fear.
Depression.
Despair.
Hope.
Joy.
Devastation.
Anxiety/Fear/Worry/Stress/Depression.
Hope.
Joy.
Elation.
He's here. He made it against the odds. He was the strongest. He is perfect!
I have yet to fully understand why, just why did it have to be so hard? And, why is our beloved Calvin not with us, John, Vincent and me. He's a missing piece and I miss him.
Looking forward - I can't wait to spend the rest of my life watching Vincent grow and learn. Hopefully, he won't be our only child but one can never know what the future holds.
<3
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Bits
I really have nothing to blog about but I really want to write something so I hope for your sakes that this post becomes interesting.
Yesterday, John and I went to the Ikea store in Stoughton, MA to poke around and maybe find a shelf to house my stockpile. No luck there, although we did find a couple of $8 side tables to go in the bedroom! Vincent was with my mom, so we stayed up until 2am cleaning and organizing the bedroom. I was able to clear an entire shelf that we're going to use for the stockpile and John put together our new tables. Even though we stayed up late, we still got a great night's sleep without the little one here. :)
We are now contemplating getting some new Ikea furniture for the living room. Specifically, a coffee table and tv stand. I can't wait to go back and look around!
This post is boring.
Goal for this week - paint something. I'm going to dig the acrylics and some canvas out tomorrow and see if I can find some time to mash them together into something. Been thinking about getting back to painting for a while. Have not had time. Obvious reasons.
I love my son. There is absolutely nothing better in the world than when I catch him looking at me and the second I look back or say something, he has a HUGE smile! He loves me and I love him sooooo much! Things were so hard for me in the beginning. I most definitely had PPD (I'll post about that some other time) and was stressed beyond my stretching point, but not quite to my breaking point! Mothering is hard work. Mothering is amazing.
Tried the "Eat to Live" diet - not for me. I think there are some great tips in there but I honestly don't think it is the best diet. It seems way to restrictive and it doesn't seem healthy to eliminate entire food groups, see also - Atkins. We've gone 95% vegan for now, with the occasional salmon or some other such. So far, we're losing weight at a nice clip. We're eating WAY more fruits and veggies than we ever have. Had a fabulous pizza today at Lake Pizza in Webster. Veggie on a wheat crust, no cheese, spinach, artichoke, tomato, olive, onion, red pepper, garlic, broccoli. Mmm!
Drove by Cranston Print in Webster today and it's 3 things - a clock tower, a smokestack and a pile of rubble what used to be a building. I didn't grow up in Webster so it's not really sad for me but it is weird. I don't like it when things change. I still feel weird driving by the 20/146/90 interchange and not seeing Millbury Amusement there!
Finally got my brother-in-law David's new cd today. I'm obviously biased, as I've been listening to him (grow and evolve) for years now, but I have to say it's heart-breakingly, breathtakingly beautiful. It's definitely his best work yet. Job well done, Kid. ;)
John has been working on a job site in Middleboro, MA (Ocean Spray factory where they make Craisins). It's quite a drive for him, so we might go down and stay in a hotel with him for a couple nights...him staying alone is not an option because families don't belong apart. <3 It should be fun. I've already looked into where the stores are (CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Target, Walmart) so I am ready for couponing on the road! Ha!
And now it's time for bed. A sweet little smiling boy will be giving me a wake up call in about 8 hours. I need to be rested and ready to tackle a day of bottles, baby food, diapers and playing! Remind me again how I got so lucky?
Yesterday, John and I went to the Ikea store in Stoughton, MA to poke around and maybe find a shelf to house my stockpile. No luck there, although we did find a couple of $8 side tables to go in the bedroom! Vincent was with my mom, so we stayed up until 2am cleaning and organizing the bedroom. I was able to clear an entire shelf that we're going to use for the stockpile and John put together our new tables. Even though we stayed up late, we still got a great night's sleep without the little one here. :)
We are now contemplating getting some new Ikea furniture for the living room. Specifically, a coffee table and tv stand. I can't wait to go back and look around!
This post is boring.
Goal for this week - paint something. I'm going to dig the acrylics and some canvas out tomorrow and see if I can find some time to mash them together into something. Been thinking about getting back to painting for a while. Have not had time. Obvious reasons.
I love my son. There is absolutely nothing better in the world than when I catch him looking at me and the second I look back or say something, he has a HUGE smile! He loves me and I love him sooooo much! Things were so hard for me in the beginning. I most definitely had PPD (I'll post about that some other time) and was stressed beyond my stretching point, but not quite to my breaking point! Mothering is hard work. Mothering is amazing.
Tried the "Eat to Live" diet - not for me. I think there are some great tips in there but I honestly don't think it is the best diet. It seems way to restrictive and it doesn't seem healthy to eliminate entire food groups, see also - Atkins. We've gone 95% vegan for now, with the occasional salmon or some other such. So far, we're losing weight at a nice clip. We're eating WAY more fruits and veggies than we ever have. Had a fabulous pizza today at Lake Pizza in Webster. Veggie on a wheat crust, no cheese, spinach, artichoke, tomato, olive, onion, red pepper, garlic, broccoli. Mmm!
Drove by Cranston Print in Webster today and it's 3 things - a clock tower, a smokestack and a pile of rubble what used to be a building. I didn't grow up in Webster so it's not really sad for me but it is weird. I don't like it when things change. I still feel weird driving by the 20/146/90 interchange and not seeing Millbury Amusement there!
Finally got my brother-in-law David's new cd today. I'm obviously biased, as I've been listening to him (grow and evolve) for years now, but I have to say it's heart-breakingly, breathtakingly beautiful. It's definitely his best work yet. Job well done, Kid. ;)
John has been working on a job site in Middleboro, MA (Ocean Spray factory where they make Craisins). It's quite a drive for him, so we might go down and stay in a hotel with him for a couple nights...him staying alone is not an option because families don't belong apart. <3 It should be fun. I've already looked into where the stores are (CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Target, Walmart) so I am ready for couponing on the road! Ha!
And now it's time for bed. A sweet little smiling boy will be giving me a wake up call in about 8 hours. I need to be rested and ready to tackle a day of bottles, baby food, diapers and playing! Remind me again how I got so lucky?
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