~When the winds of change blow cold~

It had to happen sometime.

This past Thursday, my Nana was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6-12 months. This is not completely unexpected, as she's had a spot on one of her lungs for 4-5 years now that has just been hanging out not doing much. She has also been a smoker for something like 65 years. We all knew that one of these years, it would turn into something bad. She had some routine bloodwork on Tuesday, was called back in Wednesday for a transfusion because she was extremely anemic, had more bloodwork and some scans done and finally given the diagnosis Thursday evening.

My Nana has told my mother that she is grateful to have raised two beautiful daughters and to have spent so much time with my cousin Matt, my brother and me while we were growing up. She has also been married for somewhere around 55 years. She said she is not afraid to die and that her life is in the Lord's hands. The one thing causing her heartache and leaving things "incomplete" is that she hasn't spoken to or seen her son in over 20 years. She also has a grandson who she hasn't seen since he was very young. He is a month older than I am and I vaguely remember seeing him once when I was somewhere around 4 or 5 years old. My mother promised my Nana that she would make sure my uncle knew what was going on. He's been contacted through my cousin and now we are just waiting to see what happens. I understand why he left and why he's stayed away...there is some dark family history here. I pray he finds it in his heart to forgive even a little, and grant his mother's dying wish to talk to him once before she goes.

I have nothing at all bad to say about my Nana. She has always been wonderful to me and I am better for having had her in my life. She's the quintessential grandmother - she loves me more unconditionally than anyone except maybe my mother, she is sweet and kind and generous and she makes the MOST delicious apricot squares on the holidays (among other deliciousness). This year, I'll eat those squares a bit slower...

I am really petrified to see her on Thanksgiving. I feel like I won't know what to say or how to act. I don't want to greet her with a hug and then lose it in front of her. I have no idea how she's going to act, but I am hopeful that she will be happy and enjoy herself. My mom and aunt told me she is "spunky as ever" and she told the doc, "I'm not going anywhere right now. I've got baking to do for Thanksgiving and nothing's keeping me down!" They tell me she's completely genuine and maintains that she is at peace with her fate and is not afraid to die. There are really only two possibilities - denial or faith. Let it be faith.

I just don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye. I don't know if I ever will be.

Blah.

Well, I found out yesterday that they've made some changes to our usual holiday routine here at work. We're going to be "shut down" the entire week of Christmas, W-F is holiday pay and M-Tu we have to use our own vacation time if we have it. I really don't mind that AT ALL...a week off?? They have also decided no more bonuses, this year or any year in the future. That one baffled me because why would you say never again? What if we end up raking in huge profits down the line? Raises, which usually take effect at the beginning of January will now be pushed to February 5.

The biggest change is the Christmas party. I've been to 3 so far and they've all had a DJ, open bar, dinner, etc. This year, it will be a "luncheon" (which I'm sure means meat platters) in our Machine Shop next door! 1 hour! At least give people a few hours to relax?

Oh well. John's company party is sure to be the nicest one we've ever attended. His company is ridiculous with events. Plus, you can get up to 100% of your salary as a Christmas bonus. I don't think John is going to enjoy that benefit until next year because he hasn't been working there long enough. He's still a contractor until 10/31, then he's an actual employee.

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Headed out to dinner and a movie tonight with our friend Jenn and Todd! We have a yearly tradition now where we go see Saw ? This will be the third year in a row...lol But first! - we are going to O'Connor's - can you say YUM? That's our favorite restaurant, hands down. Saturday is all up in the air, we have a photo shoot w/ Jenn, then maybe Xbox night @ Tony's? If not, maybe hanging out w/ some other friends...Apples to Apples anyone? 40 lb. box of rape?

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Our anniversary is Thursday! 4 years! I might scan in some wedding pics, so keep your eyes peeled! We're going to have a nice dinner at Castle Restaurant, where we were married. I love him even more now than I did then! John's the most awesomest supremo perfect hunky lovie dove sugarplum! Hahaha...

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Time to go home yet?!?!?

Punctuality is overrated.

You know, no one has ever accused me of being punctual. I'm late for everything...school, work, interviews, dr. appt.'s (which they don't appreciate, let me tell you). I try to blame this quality of mine on my father. He was always late too - whether it was him coming home late or coming to pick up me and my brother late on the weekends. He always said he'd be there around 6:30 but would show up 8:00-8:30 most of the time. Of course, now I understand that he worked in the car business and you can't always leave when you thought you would be able.

Anyway, I have found a company where my lateness is not really a big deal. I have brought it up myself in reviews and had my boss tell me it doesn't matter because for the time I am in the office they are getting their money's worth out of me. Still, after almost 4 years with this company, if I am on my way to work and I know I am running late, I get nervous. AND - it never fails - if I am running really late (10-20 minutes after 9:00), the President is always here sitting in his office right inside the front door. When I'm on time or early, he's usually late or not in the office that day! He has never said one word to me about what time I get here, but I am always worried that next time he will.

What else is new? I worry about everything.

Turn yourself over.

This past Sunday, John and I accompanied his brother and sister-in-law and 5 of their kids to a "remembrance" event for Children's Hospital. It was held at a conference center owned by Harvard which is pretty much across the street from that hospital. Now, I know everyone has different ways of dealing with grief, but for me...this event was too much. There was so much grief leading up to and surrounding the loss of our amazing nephew Justin that my natural response now is to remember him with joy and know that he is in a much better place and not suffering. I'm struggling to see how such an event is good for anyone in attendance. I understand that the intention is to honor the memory of these children, but I feel like it just re-opens and makes fresh again these most painful wounds. The event consisted of some readings from family members, some sad songs ("I Will Remember You", "There You'll Be" & "Turn, Turn, Turn") sung by a duo and a slideshow of photos of the kids who have lost their lives set to the tunes of "The Rainbow Connection" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". It was utterly heart-wrenching...everyone is sobbing and upset all over again. The event ended with everyone going upstairs to a big sunny room to make vases together and have hors d'ouvres. They handed out sunflowers and daffodil bulbs and some keepsake boxes for the kids...and balloons. That part was pleasant and a nice way to commemorate the kids, but I don't know about the auditorium part which was just perfectly orchestrated to break your heart.

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I have applied to an Engineering program at a local college. I am sick of being someone's bitch and I know nothing is going to change unless I get some kind of degree. I know I've wasted about 10 years but I figure I have many more than that ahead of me during which I'll be working...so I might as well do something I'll enjoy. I dropped out of high school after 11th grade because I wasn't going to be able to graduate with my class without taking some summer classes after graduation. I guess I thought if I couldn't have it my way I was going to ditch...pretty much the way I handle everything in my life. I'm working on it. Anyway, I got my GED shortly thereafter and took 4 classes at a local college which I thoroughly enjoyed but I was sucked back into the workforce and never went back. Well, here goes!

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I should be getting a promotion at work anyday now...which is good because my schedule is about to become a whole lot more flexible. It is currently 9-5, M-F but only because someone has to be in this building until 5...I'll be moving next door to another building where that rule does not apply.

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Wow, I really have a LOT of work I should be doing...

Life goes on.

Wow.

My office is in a pretty central location here and therefore, I hear a lot (some of which I should hear and some of which I probably should not). Add to this the fact that I am a compulsive eavesdropper - meaning I don't do it on purpose...it's just, if I can hear something, I listen. And, I have great hearing.

Yesterday, in the front office stood 4 of my coworkers (including the Director of Sales & HR, Manufacturing Manager and one each from Packaging and Purchasing) chatting about a bagging machine which had just been demonstrated to us by a vendor. We are looking into this machine because our ONE Packaging person simply does not have enough time to package everything by herself, resulting in the rest of us having to go back there during the week and help her. One time consuming part is bone screws, they must be individually bagged and labeled and we do thousands of them...this is why they were looking at the bagging machine.

Well, Purchasing (aka bitch-face as I have called her in my blog in the past) says, "I want a Corky! You know, Life Goes On, Corky? We can get one to do the simple stuff for minimum wage." This is followed by the Manufacturing Manager saying, "Seriously, all the little stupid - sorry - easy jobs like bagging parts or labeling would be perfect for someone like that!". And then, they all stand around and discuss what a good idea it is to get "A CORKY".

If you know me, you know I am really none too concerned with political correctness, but come on now. That crosses the line, no? If you want to use derogatory terms against someone for something they choose to do, I really don't mind, say what you want. I'm just amazed that none of them thought there was anything wrong with calling someone with Down's Syndrome "a Corky". Is there any difference between that and a racial slur?

I'm looking forward to getting out of the office today. I have to drive to Boxborough to pick up a machine from EMC that we're going to be repairing. It's a nice hour and a half drive each way! Unfortunately, I've been waiting to go since Monday! Today I tried to call and schedule the pickup but I had to leave a voice mail...please call me back Mr. EMC Man.

Chatter

Things at work have slowed considerably...and so I decided to write a blog because I'm bored.

What to talk about...

Well, I am extremely proud of John because he's lost over 50 pounds this past year and he's still going! Go John! We've both been trying to be more active and eat better foods. I wish there was more of an organic/natural food selection close to us. As it is, we have to drive to Worcester or Shrewsbury and go to The Living Earth or Trader Joe's if we want anything interesting that is not infested with all kinds of chemicals. I know a lot of stuff in the grocery store is now being labeled "organic" but I'm leery of the majority just because it seems to have become trendy and I wonder if the products truly are organic. In addition to eating better, John's been hitting the gym 4-6x a week and I've been out walking and biking. Yeah, so yay us!

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I'm thinking about our next vacation. I am leaning toward a Caribbean cruise. Neither of us has ever been anywhere tropical (unless you want to call the FL Keys "tropical") and we both want to go at least once. I like the idea of island hopping and having all your meals included. We don't drink, so I'm not worried about the additional cost of alcohol. You can be sure I will not be going to Bermuda because I'm not about to get lost in the TRIANGLE y'all. I'm all set. There is also an Alaskan cruise but...I'm not into flying right now so the cruise is more appealing to me. There are ports in Boston, NY, Baltimore, Norfolk, Miami and probably more. I don't think I'd drive to Miami, but I would drive to the others.

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We saw Tropic Thunder last weekend. That movie totally brings the LOLZ. I was hesitant to go see it because I usually can't justify spending the $10-whatever it costs to go to the theater to see silly comedies. Those are what we call "rentals" in our house. Anyway, this was brilliant comedy. We laughed out loud almost the entire time...it was a perfect blend of silly + shocking humor. I highly recommend it.

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Looking forward to the FALL. Leaves, Breeze, Sweatshirts, Sun...I am longing for it. There is nothing better than a walk on a Fall day in New England to clear your mind. Ugh, I love it! We're going to be attending the King Richard's Faire soon - though, probably not this weekend as it's supposed to rain. We are planning on taking our two oldest neices because we know they'll appreciate the jewelry, weaponry and of course the revelry! Another one we plan on attending this year is the Connecticut Renaissance Faire which is where my hubby got his belt he wore with the kilt on our wedding day. He and his sister Theresa went and if I remember correctly, they enjoyed it...this was in 2004.

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That's all for now, but don't be surprised if I post another blog later because I'm still bored. And oh, this music...is so fantastic.

tra-la-la

Just went out for a fabulous walk with John. I took this pic at the little cemetery in the center of town.

One of my favorite things about living in New England is the abundance of little cemeteries like this.

And...I thought I'd warn everyone that Homestar is on the prowl...

::chuckle::

I will remember.

It's really no fun playing computer pranks on your coworkers when you are the first person they come to when they have a problem with their computer.

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I am so excited to leave work early today! I never get to leave early on Fridays (or any day). We have our annual ISO audit going on and the auditor is trying to leave by 3:00-3:30...so I told my boss yesterday that when he goes, I am going. This is because I had to come into work an hour early yesterday and an hour and a half early today. This is good, because I will need to get to be early tonight.

John and I are going to a flea market in Derry, NH tomorrow with our friend Vanessa. I am going to look for knockoff purses, yay! Honestly, I have no problem with carrying a Wal-Mart or Target purse...but I have been looking for 6+ months now for a purse that I like and I hate them all. The one that I have which I really like is a purple bag-type purse that I found in NYC and my mom bought me for Christmas. It's a knockoff D&G - and not a good knockoff - but I love it. So, I'm hoping I find something that I like at this joint. John I'm sure will be looking for rusty tools or bones.

Sunday - looks like after church we're going to head over to my aunt's house for a cookout. This is exciting because it's my dad's sister and I don't see that side of the family all that often. Plus, I might get to meet my cousin Crystal's new baby! Meeting two new babies in one week??? Yay!

...AND next weekend is King Richard's Faire!

Snaps

Early Saturday morning, I met my friend Jenn for a photography excursion. I took her to one of my favorite places, Prospect Park in Shrewsbury, MA. John first showed me this place years ago, when it was much less known about. Now there is a group that is trying to clean it up and make it a popular hiking area. The first time I saw it, it just looked like overgrown ruins in the woods...was very cool. I've taken pictures there before. Here's what I got that day:

There was a TON of greenery all over everything, so there wasn't much of the ruins visible. Therefore, I took out the macro lens :)

...I liked the texture of this bundle of sticks on the way out of the park.

Once we were done there, we decided to stop by Green Hill Park in Worcester and see what we could capture there. We walked around the pond, through the memorial and then through the petting zoo. Looka'here:

The goats were cracking me up...this one was a major jerk to the others. It was the only one with horns and kept head-butting the smaller ones.

...and this guy was SO cute! The first pic he looked like he was smiling and then he popped his head through the fence and was posing! Too cute.

Finally, Saturday night John and I went to my dad's house for his party. He is leaving his job of many years to start a new business and it was a "good luck" kind of party I guess. Anyway, got the latest pics of Mikey & Julia. Julia loves the camera, she'll smile and pose all day long...Mikey will either give dirty looks or ignore you like the camera's not even there. :)

awwww!

Aaaaaaaaaaand, DONE! Hope you liked my pictoblog.

Stupidity is contagious.

At lunch, discussing dieting and whether or not things like shake diets work - where you have one for breakfast, one for lunch and then a regular dinner. Well, a certain co-worker says, "If you legitly follow a diet and exercise, you will lose weight."

Legitly?

Then another coworker next to her uses the word legitly in a sentence not 30 seconds later...even though I know she knows that is not a word!

I don't know why things like this bug me so much...maybe it's John rubbing off on me. That sounds so nasty. LOL

I can do it with disgrace.

This is nothing more than an attempt to stave off work for a bit longer. I really don't have anything to talk about but you watch, I will think of something...

This upcoming weekend is the first weekend in a while that John and I actually have free! I'm trying to decide what we should/could do with our time. I feel like going away somewhere or seeing a concert or something. I just looked all over New England and there really aren't any shows that we'd want to see. I suppose New York is an option but a pricey one. Isn't there anything exciting happening locally??? Maybe a hotel & museum trip somewhere? Ughgh I don't know...I just don't feel like sitting around at home all weekend.

I just realized I am trying to take our free weekend and make it busy.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Magarios are not normal.

So John is looking at cell phones online and I went to sit next to him. He said, "You want to stick with T-Mobile because you want a texty phone?" I went to whisper, "Other providers have texty phones."...

...but I was unable to get it all out because John started laughing hysterically and when I asked him what was wrong he told me that when I whisper in his ear, it tickles his HIP. Can someone please explain this to me? I continued to try to whisper in his ear and he kept laughing and pulling away because his HIP tickled. WTQ?

Zombieriffic

Duuuuudes - I am SO tired today.

I stayed up late last night watching the olympics and today I am tie-urd! I contemplated calling in to work today but guilt got the best of me. John woke up a whole hour and a half before me and since he was going to work, I figured I could suck it up and go as well. Now I'm here and it's mad hard to get motivated to do anything other than drink cups of coffee and read e-mails.

Chocolate Graham Crackers & Diet Dr. Pepper =

Last night before bed I had a few chocolate graham crackers and a cup of Diet Dr. Pepper...I'm not saying that had anything to do with my dream, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was somehow involved.

We're in a large house, somewhat dreary-looking...like an 80's made for tv movie of a V.C. Andrews book type of house. I am there, as is John...also, Robert Carlyle is there. We are fighting a vampire with long black hair, he's very tall. Somehow, we kill him. Then, I notice on the back of Robert's neck is a wound. My dream logic tells me that now it is only a matter of time before he becomes a vampire so we must act fast. It gets a little blurry here but we ask him to change clothes and our plan is to lock him into a room for now...but as he puts on the new shirt, it's a close shot of the back of his neck and I see him curiously finger the wound and I know instantly that he realizes what's happened. He turns and comes at us but we shut the door and run. Enter his wife - who apparently has already been attacked by him and is now turning herself. Now my dream starts getting funky because sometimes Robert Carlyle is himself and sometimes it's John. I don't know how, but we are now in a dining room with Robert Carlyle seated facing me and his wife in front of me - I am standing behind her looking at the back of her head.

---At this point, Robert has some kind of flashback...he is on a beach talking to someone and in the water are people, wooden viking-style ships & sea creatures all frolicking in the sun...very vivid and colorful and surreal because the people, ships and creatures are all pretty much the same size in comparison to each other.---

Back to the dining room...Robert and his wife decide that they must die before they turn fully and hurt people. The wife has some last words and after a nod by Robert, I turn and grab a paring knife from the block and stab her through her skull 3 times. Her head falls forward onto the table and stays there for a few seconds before she sits back up and starts talking again. Robert looks at me in a panic, willing me to do something, so I grab a two-pronged carving fork and stab her in the head I don't even know how many more times...felt like stabbing watermelon. Her head is back down on the table now and since I want to make sure she doesn't sit back up, I grab a large knife and CUT HER HEAD OFF. So the head is off to the side on the table and the blood is all over the place. Robert now decides he doesn't want to die and gets up and runs. I chase him with the knife and find him in a room with John's dead and skinned body. He is holding up John's skin in front of himself and dancing....looking at me through the eye holes. I run...and he takes chase...and I hide...and I hear footsteps...and...

I wake up in a panic thinking someone is in the apartment so I whip my head around and see that John's already awake and it's him I hear walking around. And that's it - but I feel all freaked out still about cutting that woman's head off.

American Idol

I had a fun evening at the American Idol show in Worcester tonight. Due to a last minute cancellation, I ended up going with my coworker Kim and had a surprisingly good time with her!

We got in free because my dad knows a guy - we ended up on cushy folding chairs in the handicapped section between a 3-toed girl in a wheelchair and a walrus of a man in a wheelchair. We didn't mind because the view was pretty sweet. I now wish I had brought my Nikon, because there was no bag checking of any kind and people had a variety of cameras there. Oh well - so I didn't get any decent pics inside the venue (Kim did - maybe I'll post some of those later). BUT - I did get some decent pics, and a couple of autographs!! at the meet & greet after the show. Would have been so awesome with the Nikon, but the Canon PowerShot did an admirable job anyway. :)

I had a little piece of yellow paper in my purse that I pulled out in case I had a chance for David Archuleta's autograph...there were work notes on one side so I folded it in half and when Jason Castro came out, I figured I'd have him sign one side and save the other for Archie.




Here is the autograph paper:

The squiggle on the top is Jason Castro's, the one below, which is an upside down SM with some weird squiggle is Syesha Mercado's. She came out next and I figured I'd let her sign he same side and still save the other for David Archuleta!

She was really pretty...as was the next one out, Kristy Lee Cook:

I didn't get her autograph because now I was trying to save room for Archuleta so I held on to my paper and didn't wave it in her face for her to sign. Same thing happened when Carly Smithson came out...I like her but I didn't have room on my paper bcause it belonged to Archie!

aaaand same when Brooke White came out:

Now, when Michael Johns came around, I did try to get him to sign but there were so many things waving in his face he only signed like 3 of them and then got pulled back in the doors.

So now all I am waiting for is David Archuleta and he's only about 10 feet behind Michael Johns and since I'm standing against the wall right in front of the door I figure he'll definitely finish autographing the last 10 feet...I can see his dad standing right behind him..

Next thing we know, he waves to the crowd and they pull him in the doors too!

So here is my David Archuleta autograph:

Overall, I had a great night. I've never hung around to meet performers before...it was fun even though I was surrounded by screaming teenage girls.

Oh yeah - when we went to leave the parking garage and pay our $20 - the green light was on & the booth was empty so we parked for free! I didn't drop a dime all night!