I'm angry. I know I can't always get what I want when I want it - I've come to terms with that fact. If withholding something I want is supposed to be teaching me patience, it's not. It's teaching me indifference and about indifference. I feel like I'm being punished, but they say He doesn't work that way. I can only be optimistic for so long before it turns to pessimism and anger. I prepared myself for the waiting and the having to be patient and having faith. I did those things...I still...am trying to do those things. Though, it's getting tougher. I feel inadequate, worthless. What have I done so wrong that I don't deserve? How do so many others prove worthy, yet I do not? I never expected this. I took for granted that things would just happen like they're supposed to and, in time, I'd have what I so desperately want.
I just don't understand.
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